Mastered Thesis

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Contributor: Joseph Robert

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Socrates hinted that the best answer was a better question
So Xenophon led a rich, full life and got stuff done
Plato meanwhile believed in fairies which he called forms
But what he really wanted were the answers to come,
So he found art dangerous and poets beyond conscious pale,
For, as he said, whispers from beyond moved their styluses so,
And he was right, that fairy at least is real,
Then Aristotle screwed the pooch insisting that
Schematics were the true, valued things,
Not fairies, not deeds, not questions, but schemes:

“It’s all laid out here, nice and clear, you idiots!
Learn it by rote; pay me, debate within my lines,
and you’ll be better, more efficient little Titans
Oh, and read my Poetics, too, all of note is there.”
Now, Aristotle was a genius, there is denying that, but
At this point it would be merely academic, for he won the bid,
To structure how a lot of us think about thinking
And by extension, blah-dee-blah-dee-da-a-rum-pum-pum-blah.
. . . anyways, it remains that the schematic epistemology
Of Aristotle’s extroverted, intellectually authoritarian style
Is, for good or ill, one hell of a powerful tool, and thus
Two ancient Athenian heroes had their heritage
Usurped by scholars, and there were academies and lyceums too,
But that wasn’t centralized enough for the myopic minded,
And thus was born University!

[Pause for applause]

“Sour grapes?” you ask. Sure, fermented that’s wine,
And isn’t drinking what an undergraduate’s made for?
But, you’re messing with me, getting me right off my track,
Piss off with your intrusive rhetorical chops,
I especially don’t care, where you learned them,
Cos this is MY show!
Now, quiet down class, and let me talk at you some more. . .


Right, now, there is beauty and pleasurable technique in these
Analytical pirouettes of the tongue, Literary Criticism?
Yes please! I’ll get me some, even Aristotle’s old trope
Has some hope of exciting my interest, HOWEVER, (the tone of
Voice used here makes it clear that THIS will be the crux
Of the make or break exam) when an extroverted answerer
Dresses in the drag of The Introverted Questioner and tells
You they can teach quality and not merely craft, they, sirs
And madams, are right proper douche bags.
For there’s only one way to talk to your own fairy of art,
or Muse, if they will you to jot that down and allow it,
and that’s to shuttup your mouth, plug up your ears,
and figure it out your own damn self.


Thank you and goodnight!
Thanks for supporting live haranguing!
Tips are graciously accepted, but I won’t charge a flat fee.

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A bottleful of wind from Joseph Robert. A votre santé!


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